Would I be sitting in a ditch surrounded by rotting skins, begging passing postmen to deliver me a stray letter filled with Banana Vouchers? Would I be hanging around the back doors of cobblers up and down the country, just waiting for some kindly shoesmith to open up a world of joy to me with the offer of an apprenticeship?

Neither of the above folks!

I sit here on this glorious day, on a mountain of the finest boxed boots looking out across my harbour, as ship after ship rolls towards me loaded with the finest soft gold that the gods could offer!

The Boot or ‘Large Ridiculous Shoe’ was the product of a conundrum faced by Stephen Hawking whilst punting in December 1970.

He thought a decent foot carrier was integral to his wardrobe and due to his elongated ankle issue he imagined the Boot, there and then.

What a genius.

Vatican insiders tell me that our Pope  Benny Eggs, has upped his daily intake of our delicious yellow friends from 3 to 6. A huge leap by anybody’s standards, but it seems it is having nothing but positive effects on the 81 year old kraut.